Jon Stewart Rips Right-Wingers A New One

    When Unarmed Blacks Are Killed By Cops

    No Wrongdoing With Benghazi

    Right-Wingers Fuel Racism And Paranoia

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Taxes We Can Believe In

Thomas Lindaman recently contributed an article, which he does from time-to-time, to TheRealityCheck.org, which is a propaganda site from Heritage New Media Partners and The Alliance Defense Fund.

These organizations, run by evangelists and Wall Street investors, have a history of being anti-gay, anti-civil liberties, pro-tobacco propaganda, and pro-religion in government. Illustrating, once again, the obvious fact that Conservatives are as far removed from "non-intrusive government" as one can get. For you regular working Americans that think these right-wing sites have your best interests in mind, think again. These sites are a perfect illustration of how Conservatives trick you people into voting AGAINST your own interests. You think these people are ordinary folks? They always wind up being funded by Charles Keating/Strom Thurmond/Fred Phelps types.

Originally my responses to these (non-Bottom Line Blog) Lindaman articles (RealityCheck.org, CommonConservative.com) were going to be a separate entity on this blog. But eventually what I'll probably do is fill in some of the older Bottom Line Blog posts (most of which I already responded to on the older website, I'll just shift them to here) and cover some of the older non-Bottom Line Blog Lindaman articles, and reposition the responses into proper chronological order. It's been a little while since a newer Bottom Line entry was made, so I'll go ahead and cover this most recent RealityCheck.org article. With that being said, onto the article:

Now that Barack Obama has his health care reform bill passed through Congress (and only 8 months late),

"Late"?! You guys are so full of it. Right-wingers have been screaming "What's the rush?" since day one. So much so that even THAT became a big joke.

If it was a Conservative in charge, it certainly wouldn't be late. Because it WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. It got done, so now you have to say it "took too long" as if somehow that's a victory? Hysterical. Notice how nothing bad is being said about the bill itself, folks.

he is changing his focus to another Congressional matter: crap and spayed…I mean cap and trade.

You see, folks, if you change the name to something funny, it means it has no value. Capping polluting carbon emissions has no value if you call it "crap and spayed." Preventing people from being denied insurance coverage due to pre-existing conditions has no value if you call it "Obamacare", etc.

Critics of the Obama initiative say it's only a variation on a VAT, or value-added tax.

Aaaand... what's wrong with that?

I'm opposed to it because Congress would automatically be exempt from it, not because of the way the bill would be written, but because Congress hasn't added anything of value for decades.

In other words, nothing's wrong with it.

This year, my annual plea for tax sanity is going to take a different turn. A VAT targets some people while leaving others, like Congress, alone. This got me to thinking about other targeted tax hikes that could put us in the black in no time. I've already proposed taxing the stupid,

Here's a quiz for Republican bloggers: Is the earth 6,000 years old? Do insects have six legs? Are bats birds? Can donkeys talk? Answer carefully, don't forget your readership.

but for some strange reason I couldn't get my Congressman to sign off on it. Might have something to do with the restraining order he has on me. Geez, you make one joke about meeting a Congressman's wife and screaming "I've found Bigfoot"

Anyway, here are some ideas I have for targeted tax hikes.

More Carrot Top humor to come!

The "Let Me Be Clear" Tax: This has to be one of Obama's favorite phrases, and it always seems to preface some big point he's completely lying about, so it's a natural fit.

So let's see those lies! Oh, I forgot... just like when you repeatedly accused John Kerry of lying, you never actually provide examples.

Besides, one would hope the President would want to do his patriotic duty and pay taxes like Vice President Joe Biden said.

If the taxes help the country, then paying taxes IS patriotic. You're just bitter because the taxes (for the wealthy, I might add) would still be lower than they were under the Reagan administration.

And speaking of Clueless Joe…

"He's clueless cuz I say so and ghosts are real."

The Gaffe Tax: When it comes to putting his foot in his mouth, Joe Biden is Michael Jordan. There is only one, and no one does it as frequently or as well as Biden. This tax would be levied every time Biden says something that embarrasses the Administration, the country, or humanity in general. In other words, whenever Joe's out in public.

Great, let's hear examples! What, none AGAIN? Well, I'll provide an example:

"Barack Obama will lose in November [2008]."

Whoops, he didn't say that. But somebody else did say that... who was that? I can't recall. But I seem to remember it's someone who said the Swifties were telling the truth, that Saddam had WMD's, and AGW is faked so scientists can keep their rock star lifestyle. Who was that again?

The Spin Tax: Taxes on items like tobacco and alcohol are called sin taxes, but smoking and drinking aren't nearly as bad as the people lying to our faces about one thing or another in an attempt to salvage victory out of an embarrassing situation (see Joe Biden's comments about Iraq being one of Obama's "greatest policy achievements" for an example).

Exactly! That's Bush's legacy!

Er... scratch that.

Anyway, you right-wing bloggers are lying (again).

Biden said: "I am very optimistic about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration. You're going to see 90,000 American troops come marching home by the end of the summer. You're going to see a stable government in Iraq that is actually moving toward a representative government."

Bush got us into that war, Obama's helping to end it and stabilize it and get our troops home. Biden said that COULD be one of the great achievements of the Obama administration, if those things are accomplished. So how is that a lie or an embarrassment? Leave it to right-wingers to lie through their teeth about OTHER people lying.

Every time a politician, media type, or public figure tries to spin his or her way out of bad behavior, tax 'em for it!

Like General Colin Powell's top advisor? You know, the one who recently let slip the obvious fact that George W. Bush "knew Guantánamo prisoners were innocent"?

The "We Paid $12 For This Crap?" Tax: This one is targeted at Hollywood. Within the past several years, we've seen the quality of movies decline dramatically, if you'll pardon the pun. And if you don't pardon the pun, I'll throw myself on the mercy of the court. Anyway, if we're going to spend our hard-earned money on "Saw 43" this weekend and it's not nearly as good as "Saw 42" (which came out last weekend), the filmmakers should be taxed for it. And for anyone who cares, by the time you read this sentence, "Saw 49" will already be in theaters.

Weren't you the one that said "Epic Movie" wasn't too bad a film? You know, the movie that everybody else on planet earth hated? You also highly recommended "Beerfest", which didn't exactly chart high on acclaim.

Don't blame Liberal Hollywood for this. It's a business just like any other.

These terrible films wouldn't be made if retarded hicks stopped going to them, and stopped dropping off their inbred kids at the mall to watch them.

The $tarbuck$ Tax: This tax isn't just limited to Starbucks. It's for any coffee shop that overcharges for badly burnt coffee beans and pelts us over the head with progressive messages. I just want a cup of joe, okay? If I wanted to be nagged about the rainforest and how we need to use more recycled paper, I'd pack a thermos and head for an Earth Day event. And then the only self-important jerks with more piercings than Dennis Rodman I'd have to deal with would be…well, the people at the rally. But at least I'd have decent coffee.

Too bad we don't live in a free market where you can get coffee somewhere else.

And yeah, piercings are ugly. Almost as ugly as obesity (but not quite).

The Alan Grayson Tax: This tax doesn't have any specific purpose, aside from costing Alan Grayson money for being a Rick Sanchez/Keith Olbermann wannabe.

Yeah, how dare he call out the GOP for spying on a Democratic gathering! You guys just hate being called out. lol

Watch him school a teabagger here:

The Mostly Socialistic Nutjobs Broadcasting Crap Tax: This one goes out to a particular cable network, and if you look at the first letters in the name of the tax, you should be able to figure it out. When your prime time shows can't beat Glenn Beck's TV show when it's on 2-3 hours before those shows, you should be taxed for wasting broadcast air time in an exercise in futility.

That's because Keith doesn't make racist, homophobic comments. Where's the ratings in that?

Now tell us how it's "socialistic." Nothing? Didn't think so.

It's pretty funny hearing that from a guy that said Fox News isn't biased (I'm not kidding, folks).

Normally, I'm not a fan of tax hikes, but the ones I've suggested might just work to right the economic ship of state. Or at least they'll punish people I don't like, which works for me, too.

Just as long as they don't make taxes that hurt the Republican base, correct? Like a NASCAR tax, an incest tax, a beastiality tax, a white robe tax, a child molestor tax, a hate tax, a church tax, and an ignorance tax.

Oh, and an Inciting Violence tax.