Wedgie Time!

Thomas Lindaman writes:

Greetings, graduates of [INSERT NAME OF LEARNING INSTITUTION]! It’s a lovely day here in [LOCATION OF CEREMONY], and I am certainly thrilled to be here to give you words of inspiration as you graduate [HIGH SCHOOL, TECH SCHOOL, COLLEGE].

"Who's this guy?"
"That's the right wing blogger that pretends he gives important speeches, like in front of Congress."
"Why?"
"Because he can't in real life.  Plus, he blew money on Toastmasters."
"Ah, I see."

Before we get to that inspirational message, there is a bit of housekeeping to do. First, you have a big question to answer as you enter [COLLEGE, REAL LIFE, LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS WHILE YOU LOOK FOR A JOB]. Are you happy with the world right now? This one question will guide your future decisions more than you think. If you’re not happy with the world, you might lash out, get disgruntled, or worse yet, become a member of Astroturf Wall Street. (That’s the name I’ve given to Occupy Wall Street because they’re bankrolled by the rich and they’re too dumb to know it.)

"That's a stupid name.  Why would Lindaman brag about a terrible name?"
"It gets sadder.  Lindaman stole the name."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Well, can Lindaman at least back up his assertion that Occupy Wall Street is astroturfed?"
"Nope. In fact, when it was repeatedly proven otherwise, like his 'Soros funded OWS through the Tides Foundation' claims, he just continues to say it."
"Why?"
"Two reasons. One, he's pissed off that it's an easily proven fact, with direct ties, that the Teabaggers are bought and paid for by the GOP.  And two, he's hoping it'll become a catchphrase so he'll become a famous blogger. "
"Wow, that's... pathetic."
"It gets even more pathetic:"


Yes, kids, you may think it’s a neat idea to hang out with other people of like mind regarding the evil banks and Wall Street types, but in truth, it’s not that great of a career booster. You know why? It’s the bankers and Wall Street types doing the hiring these days! Nothing spells “disappointment” like losing a great job because you decided to protest the bank for which you applied for a job. But, at least you’ll still be able to get a job at Starbucks where you can serve the bankers and Wall Street types their double mocha frappechinos.

"I guess Lindaman's not aware that it's the small businesses that are creating the jobs, not the bankers and Wall Street types."
"Oh, he's aware.  But right wingers don't give a damn about small businesses.  They have to kiss the rings of the people that ship jobs overseas."



Maybe you can go into politics and really make a difference! I wouldn’t count on it. Government isn’t in the problem-solving business because once it solves a problem, the fundraising around the problem will stop. Politicians aren’t there for you; they’re there for themselves. The sooner you learn that, the less disappointed you will be.

"Of course, right wingers don't use this type of logic for health care, right?"
"In America, doctors are paid when people are sick.  Unlike intelligent systems, which pay doctors to keep people healthy."
"Well, at least when it comes to corruption, Republicans are the perfect people to speak from experience."

And while we’re here, how are those student loans working out for you? Those are coming due because Uncle Sam is just like a slumlord when it comes to getting paid back for the solid they did you so you could pay for tuition, books, and cheap beer. And if you’re just starting out with the student loan experience, enjoy the decades ahead of you paying for the tuition, books, and cheap beer.

"So you're against student loans.  But you're also against having a choice of free college."
"Basically, if you can't afford school, you can never go to school.  Got it."

If you are happy with the world around you, what’s wrong with you? There are problems in the world, most notably people texting and walking at the same time. Seriously, unless it’s a text from God (or, for those of you who don’t believe in God, George Clooney), pay attention to where you’re going! Is that so hard?

"How was this relevant to what you were talking about?  Are you high?"

Okay, I’m going to get off my soap box now, but seriously, look into solving problems, kids.

"We'll do that when you Republicans stop creating the problems, oaf."

If I could make one request of you, it would be this.  Could you chip in for gas? If I could make a second request, it would be that you keep learning. Just because Jon Stewart says something doesn’t make it true. In fact, if you’re using a comedy show to get your news, you might want to consider turning in your diploma and working the night shift at the Waffle Shanty.

"Or working a sad job as an underling at Wells Fargo."

Every so often, challenge your beliefs. Pick up a book you may not have considered reading before and read it. If you want to burn it after reading, use the Kindle Fire. Just because you're leaving these hallowed halls doesn't mean your education is over. I've learned more from life than I have from hitting the books.

"Then why do you believe global climate change is a conspiracy?  And why are you a birther?  Cracking a few books would cure that."

And might I add, my knuckles didn't hurt as much.

"So dragging them on the ground is better?"

At the end of the day, what you get out of life is what you put into it. The returns may be monetary, spiritual, or psychological, but they are there. However, don't expect them to be instantaneous. You DO have to work for the gifts you receive. Of course, if you have to work for them, they're not really gifts, are they? Well, that's something for you to figure out along the way.

Finally, I promised you an inspirational message, and here it is.

At this point in your life, you are smarter than Joe Biden.

"When you give a speech that's actually worth something, like this one by Biden:

http://video.msnbc.msn.com/nightly-news/47569634/#47569634

Then you can question people's intelligence.  But you can't, since you won't even look at the speech.  And also since you spent your Memorial Day weekend time by being a douchebag on your blog.  Typical and totally expected of you.  Biden has class, and you don't."

Thank you, and congratulations, Class of 2012!

"And then Lindaman woke up, and he was still at home... alone."
"Well, at least this proves Toastmasters taught him nothing as far as how to write a speech."

While You Never Had A Shark

Thomas Lindaman writes:

From the people who brought you taking a crap on police cars, drug dealing and use, underage prostitution, and advocating killing the police and the Jews,

Notice, not a single citation. lol

there's something new.

They're putting out a CD.

Mostly, it's a bunch of indie stars, bands you couldn't pick out of a lineup, and the occasional has-been. But the most uproarious track? Michael Moore doing a remake of Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'".

Although the Astroturf Wall Street crowd

Still waiting for you to back up your claims.  Even when you were a proven liar about Soros "funding" OWS through the Tides Foundation, you just keep blabbing on. lol

think he has a new career in singing, personally, I think it's a cry for attention...and help. If you take a look a Moore's box office, he's only had a couple of big hits, and those were some time ago.

His second-to-last documentary, "Sicko", is in the top ten highest box office documentaries of all time.  Nice try. lol

Now, he's on a downward slide, with "Capitalism: A Love Story" doing one of the worst box office performances of his cinematic career. And when you consider it was as exciting as an Al Gore swimsuit video, is it any wonder?

"Capitalism: A Love Story" is #13 on the highest box office documentaries of all time.  It even beat out "Super Size Me." So again, nice try.

So, maybe Moore got the hint and is trying to get out of the filmmaking business and is testing the waters with trying to be the next Peter, Paul, and Mary. Combined.

Of course, I joke, but Moore has a serious problem: he doesn't have a good fallback plan. His musical talent reminds me of the 1910 Fruitgum Company

What's wrong with the 1910 Fruitgum Company!?

You're actually giving Moore too much credit!  His singing feels more like a parody of folk singing, like The Folksmen.

and his filmmaking leaves a lot to be desired (like the truth).

Citation, please?  You've been lying all through your post.  So we can't just take your word for it.

Well, Mikey, if the signing thing doesn't work out for you, you could go into the auto industry. I'm sure GM would be willing to put you on the line...

Which could be possible, since the Democrats saved Detroit.  You guys would sell out to the Japanese faster than he could blink.

But hey, considering your own grand reception:



...it's no wonder you're such a wet blanket when it comes to a CD. 

This is why you never get invited to the good parties. lol

Okay!

Thomas Lindaman writes:

Tell Me What a Loser Looks Like!

Someone that doesn't bother to comb his hair and look hygienic and professional while giving a speech, during a meeting about giving speeches?  You would know.

This Astroturf Wall Street leader is what a loser looks like!

"Leader"? lol

Again, Lindaman can't find an actual OWS leader, so he uses... this guy.  Because... he was in interviews and stuff.

To sum up the interview, Hannity keeps shifting his questions, repeats lying talking points (taking a dump on police cars, rape, etc).  Schultz brings up the fact that bums were being shifted to OWS, as has been truthfully posted in the NY news (Hannity somehow equates this to "planting"), and states people shouldn't be without things like healthcare because they can't afford it.

Ah, well, whatever.  Schultz is an anarchist.  And he's in grad school.  That's evil incarnate.  But hey, at least he combed his hair.

Tell you what, OWS can take credit for Schultz, when Teabaggers like you take credit for this guy. 

Because to right-wingers, a guy that uses college loans (that will have to be paid back) is much worse than a guy who kills his family.

Oh, and who is Glenn Beck?  He's now as unknown as your soundbite. lol

I guess you'd know what a loser is, though:



Why do you keep setting yourself up like this? lol

GOP: Helping Is Hating!

Thomas Lindaman writes:

The Obama/Biden campaign have introduced a new online campaign promotion called "The Life of Julia." The idea is to show how a fictional girl, Julia, is helped by actions Obama has taken and comparing them to Mitt Romney's approach. Not surprisingly, each action Obama has taken has had something to do with government. And the best part? Nothing goes wrong when the government gets involved!

A nice story, but there's an unintentional message in "The Life of Julia" that is particularly worth noting. "The Life of Julia" says women can't succeed without becoming slaves to government.

Cue the feminist backlash in 3...2...1... Nothing? Not even a "Hey, women can make it on their own"? Okay, nevermind.

No matter what Leftists say, the real war on women is being carried out by Leftists, as "The Life of Julia" clearly shows. Why Leftists have such a low opinion of women is beyond me, but what's clear is they talk a great game about being advocates for women. When it comes to actually acting on it, they fail miserably.

Just like "The Life of Julia."

Because there's nothing demeaning about going hungry and being unable to provide health care or education for your kids, which is the right wingers'  preferred path for "Julia."

Yet again, a right-wing MALE speaks for females.

Here's all the "nanny state" atrocities that make right wingers spit nails:

-Head Start
-Public Education
-College Loans
-Access to affordable health care, including birth control
-Prenatal Care
-Equal Pay for equal work
-Small Business Loans and Tax Cuts
-Medicare and Social Security

That's it.

These things, are apparently BAD things for women, according to Lindaman.

Poor little chicks, it's just so demeaning to attend public schools, rather than teach yourself everything. It's beyond pathetic that your bitch of a Grandmother receives Medicare, instead of diagnosing her own diseases.

To right wingers, those programs are evil, and make Americans the "dependent" and lazy good for nothing losers they apparently are.

These things are nearly universally accessed to some degree by every single one of us.  Male AND female.  But never mind, since it benefits women in some capacity, it's a war on women. lol

Most Americans benefit from these programs.  So it seems most Americans are... un-American.

The reality is that the people who hold most Americans in such contempt are the un-American ones.

To right wingers, forced ultrasounds, giving doctors a script to read to women who want an abortion, defining the exact placement of an ultrasound monitor in an exam room, denying people the right to a legal marriage with the person they love, defining what you're allowed to do in your own bedroom... This is totally okay, according to right-wingers.  In the right wing twisted universe, helping people is hating them, and hating people is helping them.

These same right wingers say nothing about the tax subsidies, tax forgiveness and direct spending given to huge corporations and rich people.  They say nothing about cradle to grave advantages from the government to the corporations over ordinary persons.  They say nothing about absolute government protection, from criminal charges to estate wealth protection and everything in between to the elite... at tens of millions more than spending on women and children of modest means. 

The rich couldn't survive without government to protect and subsidize their wealth at every step.  From right wingers, there's dead silence on that issue.

Why?  Because it benefits white males like themselves, and doesn't contribute a dime to Julia's life.

The rich elite must lie compulsively about sociable people being socialists, just because they get a meager crumb of benefits from society that rich people happily enjoy.  They feed the lies into the right wing machine, and the low income right wingers like Lindaman gleefully parrot the talking point, completely unaware that they're only hurting themselves.

Right wingers have the absolute nerve to say we live in a "government-centered" society.  Things like Pell grants, social security, etc. are called government working for people.  We the people, remember that phrase?  Right wingers make me sick with their  economic ignorance parading as seriousness.

And what's with these roads you're driving on? Can't you just saddle-up and blaze your own trail?  Pay for your own fire fighters if your house catches on fire.  Pay for your own police if you need help.  Just like healthcare, if you can't afford it yourself, society shouldn't have to pay for it, right?  Where's the outrage on that?  Aren't you assholes self-supporting enough for those things?

"We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Small government can't accomplish all that. The government (we, the people) does collectively what we (the individual) can't do individually.

It's called a frigging civilization, you idiots.

It just proves what we already know: Right-wingers are sociopaths.

Did He Finally Snap?

Thomas Lindaman writes:

No Wonder Obama's Doing an End Zone Dance...

He's not.  But even if he did, it would be justified.  Since it's proven that he gave the order to get bin Laden.

http://socyberty.com/issues/white-house-insider-obama-hesitated-panetta-issued-order-to-kill-osama-bin-laden/

ROFL!  Lindaman's so desperate, now he has to use his fellow conspiracy nut birthers as sources!

You know what's really sad?  He wouldn't have found that link, if I hadn't linked him to Geller! hehe

Right-wingers are flailing so bad now, they're actually accusing top military personnel of sedition.

Need any more proof Conservatives don't care about the country?  As if their cheering the USA not getting the Olympic bid wasn't enough proof?

I think Lindaman's finally snapped.  Or maybe he's decided that since he has to lie anyway, he may as well go full-on crazy. 

Why not just say aliens from Venus gave the order while you're at it?

These are the posts I love the most, folks!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Thomas Lindaman writes:

The Answer Can Finally Be Told!
Do you know the reason Leftists are trying to say Mitt Romney wouldn't have given the order to kill Osama Bin Laden?

Because they know Barack Obama didn't.

That's funny!  You know why?  Romney was against going into Pakistan to get bin Laden, after Obama promised he would.  "Leftists" know this, because of their own words.  And we know Obama did give the order,  because of the memo Lindaman himself posted. That's why it's funny!

Watching Republicans flail because they're party before country?  That's the funniest!  The flailing from the right-wingers didn't work last year, either!

Still waiting on the choking, BTW!

Warchickenhawk writes:

"Awesome! Love it!"

Then thank Diogenes, you nutbar. lol